Hi.
I am a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner who currently does not have Rx authority. I hear you. I noticed the pictures of your horses. How are you doing with feeding them? Yes, the feeling of significant loss when a parent dies is horrible and lonely. The loss of a job is also frightening. You must feel quite alone. I have lost both parents and a job and had to give up my own horses. These events happened to me about 8 years ago. This is what I did to survive.
My grief for my Mama and Daddy seemed to never end. Someone who wanted to help said to me to think of grief like ocean waves. They come and go and you learn the rhythm so you can swim. However, every now and then, a rogue wave will come and smash you to the ocean floor. Water gets up your nose. You feel like you're going to drown. Overwhelming grief comes like that and usually at the most inopportune moments. Hold your breath. You will surface. After a while the sea will calm and become smooth and glassy. You will be able to swim back to shore. That is how grief is.
The job. I needed to work. I looked around and thought about where I might fit in - quickly. I went to a home health agency. I really couldn't think how I would fit in but I did and began working with the elderly. The agency recognized that I had much to offer as an OPEN and I appreciated their offer to work. In exchange, I began to develop some programs for them with my advanced practice degree. Home health care, nursing homes, and social services often need advanced practice nurses to assist them with the influx of the boomer generation. Ask the personnel offices of these places to tell you what they are looking for. Just like grief and riding out the waves in a storm, when finding a job you have to climb into the first rescue boat that will save you before you can get onto a cruise liner.
Horses. If you don't still have yours, go find a horse. Wrap your arms around that big strong neck. Lean into that massive strength. Give a hug of life. Watch the movie, Secretariat and gather the strength that lives in you.
Sincerely,
Elaine Tinsley, PMHNP-BC